Play time

There are a lot of benefits to being a parent. But you know what really tops the list on most days? You get to be a goofball. It's a great excuse to crack dumb jokes or make a ridiculous drawing, and the kids laugh their butts off.

Or you can empty out your son's toy boxes, get on the floor and really go hog wild. We called this the Battle of the Army Men and the Football Dinosaurs. What a great way to end the day. And oh, the dinosaurs won. It wasn't even close.

Reunions, Pt. II

"Remember the time when. . ."

That's how a lot of conversations started last weekend at the college reunion in Connecticut. And that made me pretty happy, especially because we recently talked here about the benefits of looking back once in a while.

On the first night, we joked that it felt a lot like our first day back at school each year. On those days, we would return to the dorms (or the apartments) and spend several hours reminiscing, getting caught up and hoisting many, many drinks as we rang in the new school year. This time around, we also scanned a couple of old photo albums that I brought along -- dude, what were you thinking here, and hey, you really were skinny at one point in your life, etc. -- and talked a lot about our jobs and our families.

We cranked some Pearl Jam, Black Crowes and Blues Traveler, filled our bellies with grilled food and enjoyed good beer and wine. And we had a little R 'n' R at the beach.

Aaaahhhhhh. That's the stuff.

After 25-plus years, we've taken many different paths. This crew includes a physician's assistant, a state marshal, a school administrator, a health care controller, a corporate vice president, a pharmaceutical consultant, an electrician and a workforce analyst.

But in many ways, we're quite the same. We're all dads. We're providers, and good husbands. And none of us can believe we're all still married. It's not that we're opposed to the institution. It's more like, how are the wives still putting up with our nonsense? Ladies, if you're reading, please don't answer that.

We used to joke in college -- when we were, ahem, thoroughly enjoying our youth -- that if we made it to 40, anything after that would be a bonus. Now we're all there. We're at that mid-40s point of life where we realize we are truly blessed, and yet, some of us feel like there should be something more out there. You can make a mid-life crisis comment here if you want. It's OK.

But as I'm going through this period of introspection, writing this blog, trying to make things right with my job and my life in Virginia and my family in Connecticut, it's just good to know I'm not alone.

I love ya, boys. Let's do it again soon.

Profiles Encourage: Rue

Hello everyone. Today we're talking with Rue. We have worked together for the past several years, and he's a stand-up comedian in his spare time. Which explains why we have sat around and had so many laughs at the office when we're really supposed to be doing work. Take it away, Rue.

Hi Rue. Let’s start with some basics. Tell me a little bit about your life. Where do you live and what do you do?

I live in Maryland and I work with a non-profit association as an expert in my field.

Now tell me a little bit about your background. What is your heritage? Where does your family come from, and do you have roots outside of the United States?

I am a black man of the African Diaspora, surviving offspring of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. My family is from Jamaica, West Indies.

Is there something about you – a physical characteristic, a personality trait, an aspect of your job or any part of your life – that is frequently misunderstood by people? If so, please tell me about it and what you would say to dispel that misunderstanding.

I don’t know whether there is anything about me that is frequently misunderstood. My overbite makes people think I am unattractive, but they are wrong. I am gorgeous! I think the fact that I perform on stages in front of small and large groups and do a good job at public speaking, many presume I am extroverted. I’m not. I don’t dispel it. I let them think whatever.

Let’s flip that around now. Tell me about a time you learned more about somebody – or something – after looking a little deeper, beyond the superficial.

Depending on what “superficial” is, I tend to talk to most people about more than the superficial. There’s always a story there. I don’t really remember stuff though so I can’t recall a specific time. Well, there was the one time…a coworker opened up to me about her sister who died from Lupus. We developed a bond.

What really drives you? What’s your reason for getting out of bed every day?

I am driven by curiosity, faith and responsibility. God gets me out of bed everyday, because there’s a purpose for my existence. I am curious to see what is gonna happen next. The world is full of surprises. The hope, the chance that stuff can get better is quite a motivator!

Tell me about a difficult period in your life, how you coped with it and how it made you stronger.

Probably the most difficult time in my life is when my baby brother died. I felt like I lost a part of myself. I have not completely recovered. I’m not sure it made me stronger, but it did teach me endurance and compassion.

We all know there’s no shortage of bad news out there. Now tell me what gives you hope and what’s good about the world.

What gives me hope is faith – the belief that this time, this season, this world is not all there is and that I can create eternal impact. Also, children give me hope. I believe they too have purpose.

Let’s have a little fun here. Tell me about your worst job. And if you haven’t had one, tell me about the most interesting one.

My worse job was…ummm…well they’ve all been pretty good. I guess the hardest one was when I was 16 and worked in an electric supply warehouse. It was a summer job. 8.5 hours a day! Four dollars an hour. Blue collar work, all day every day. Loading and unloading 18-wheelers, cutting wire, poles, cable. Stocking, un-stocking, NO AIR CONDITIONING all summer. I was dirty, hot, sweaty and tired every day after work when I boarded the Metrobus to go home. No one wanted to sit next to the dirty kid in the back of the bus. It taught me that I wasn’t made for this kind of work. I had to use my mind. It reinforced what I already knew: I’m going to college.

Now let’s talk about music. I need it every day. In the car, at the gym, in the kitchen, you name it. Tell me what you like and when you need to hear it.

Music heals, calms, excites, stimulates, educates, soothes, and entertains. When I don’t hear music, I make music. I rap! Eighties rap, though. Old. I need primarily reggae and gospel, and everything else, just in smaller doses.

Thanks Rue. Did we miss anything? Anything you’d like to add?

I’m getting married! She’s great. I hope I make her real happy.

Reunions, Pt. 1

I've always said that you should not forget where you came from. Even if your childhood or your teens or twenties were less than desirable, you need to hang onto whatever heartache or adversity came out of that and learn from it. At the same time, you celebrate the positives and you remember what's been good.

I mention this because I'm in the midst of an interesting stretch of summer. Last weekend, I joined my wife at her 25th high school reunion in Minnesota. Now, playing the role of tag-along-spouse might not sound like the greatest gig, but hell, who doesn't appreciate $1.50 drafts at the American Legion Hall? And I like meeting people. Take this guy, for instance.

This is Bob. And Bob was the only other husband with the guts to show up at this reunion among my wife's group of friends. As you can imagine, Bob don't give a damn. He even packed this shirt in his wife's purse. Ducked into the men's room, Superman-style, and emerged wearing it with a big smile on his face. You might argue with his taste in clothes, but we were there for the same reason -- our wives wanted to spend an evening remembering where they came from, and boy, did they.

Maybe they needed a few hours to laugh about those simpler times, or they were dying to see some long-lost buddies. But for one night, they had a chance to recall what was good, and how far they've come during these past couple of decades.

I've got my own little reunion coming up in a couple of days. A handful of the college guys are gathering on the Connecticut shore for the weekend, and I could not be more ready to go. I'm not sure that those four years at school were the best years of my life, but man, they rank very high. And I don't want to forget that.

Here's another thing I haven't forgotten. About a month before I graduated, I was up late one night at my apartment talking with a roommate. Oh, we were so smart. We had our whole lives figured out. We would have jobs within a month or two of graduating, we'd have houses shortly after that and we'd be married with kids in about five years. That's what we told each other.

Well let's see. I didn't find a job until eight months after graduation, and got laid off five months later. I didn't get married until age 34, didn't own my first house until I was 35. And then the kids (finally) came along. I don't regret how any of it turned out. But that conversation with Mike, who I'll see this weekend, taught me a great life lesson. Sometimes it's dangerous to look too far ahead. But it's always OK to look back.

Quiet time

"Silence is a source of great strength."  ~ Lao Tzu

I'm not one to quote Chinese philosophers, but man, it's hard to argue with that. I mention this because I'm at the tail end of five days of solitude here at the house. Tomorrow I'm flying to Minnesota to meet up with my wife and kids for the weekend. And I'll tell you, the silence at home has been equal parts strange and relaxing.

Well, I haven't been totally alone. The dog is here, and I've been talking to him. A lot. Most times, he'll shoot me a look like this:

That's an older photo of him, but you get the drift. "Dude, what are you babbling about and when is the rest of the family coming home?!?"

OK, back to the point. A big part of my motivation for starting this blog was to have some time to myself. It's too damn easy to get caught up in routines these days. Work at the office. Work at home. Coach Little League. Cut the grass. Make dinner. Take care of things for the kids. Help my wife with anything if she needs it. Start it all over again on Monday. 

I don't want to confuse anyone. I believe it's my responsibility first and foremost to take care of my family and do whatever is necessary to be a provider. I love them and they're my reason for living. And hell, I like cooking, spending time in the yard and other things. But clearly I need to put some time aside for Joe a little more often.

So I'll put the question to you guys (if anyone is still listening). What do you do to make time for yourself? How do you take a break from life and just unwind? I know, it's a pretty basic question, but I want to hear what you guys do. Maybe I'll get some good ideas. Talk to you soon.

OK, I'll start

Hello again. I want to thank all of you who have shared your support for this blog in the past couple of days. It's good to know that we're (and I say "we're," because we're doing this together) engaged in a worthwhile endeavor.

I've had a few people ask about the profiles and many of you have agreed to participate, which is pretty damn cool because I'm still a little nervous about this and am trying to figure out what it's all going to look like. Let's just say there will be very few rules. Like I said, I want to hear about what defines you, what motivates you, your interests and other things.

So here's a prototype, and I hope this will clear a few things up. Today we're talking with Joe.

OK, wait a minute. That was the icebreaker. That's me a few hours before high school junior prom. Here's something a little closer to what I look like now.

That's the guy you know. With less hair. Much. Less. Hair. Let's see what he has to say.

Let’s start with some basics. Tell me a little bit about your life.

I live in Springfield, Va. with my family. One wife, two kids and a dog who's terrific when he's not using household goods as his chew toys. I'm a workforce analyst at an area nonprofit. It's not the greatest job in the world right now and has gotten stale, but it's stable and it helps me provide for my family.

I grew up in Connecticut in the Town of Wethersfield, it's a tiny suburb of Hartford. It's where I spent the first 28 years of my life. I lived in Gainesville, Fla. for a few years and then moved to the Washington, D.C. region in January 2004. Been here ever since. I was a newspaper reporter for about 14 years and have worked in the analyst job for the past eight years.

Now tell me a little bit about your background. What is your heritage? Where does your family come from? Do you have roots outside of the United States?

I'm a true American mutt. On my father's side, his Dad was Irish and his mother was Italian. On my mother's side, her Dad was German/Irish and her mother was Greek. My Dad's parents passed away before I was born. He didn't like talking about his childhood too much, but I know that his Dad was a World War I veteran and worked for the U.S. Postal Service. His Mom (according to my Dad's friends) was a typical Italian mama who urged everyone to stuff their faces every time they came to their house in Hartford. 

My Mom's father died when I was eight months old. But "Grammy," my mother's Mom, died when I was 19. She had some pretty cool stories. She was sent from Thessaloniki, Greece to the U.S. by her parents at age 5 to live with her aunt and uncle. She never said why they sent her away, but I like to think they believed she would have a better life here in the States. So she showed up at Ellis Island and made her way. Man, she was tough as nails. She taught pottery and volunteered at nursing homes, and she worked as a teacher's assistant at an elementary school in West Hartford. She didn't stop working until about six months before she died at age 82.

What really drives you? What’s your reason for getting out of bed every day?

Honestly, it's friends and family. I really value the relationships in my life. I think that's why I started this blog. I need it for personal reasons, because I realized I haven't been taking enough "me" time lately, but it's also another chance to connect with friends. And to have some laughs. I like to make people laugh. It doesn't always work, but dammit, I try every day.

I should also mention that I like to do yard work, crossword puzzles and play Scrabble. So yeah, somebody call AARP and tell them I'm ready for my card.

Tell me about a difficult period in your life, how you coped with it and how it made you stronger.

Whew. Well, I mentioned in the first post that my Dad's death a few years ago was extremely difficult. My Mom was diagnosed with dementia shortly afterwards, and my sister is still up in Connecticut trying to manage things. Mom is in assisted living right now and she still knows who we are, but the disease has affected her speech and communication is challenging. 

Honestly, I don't know that it's made me stronger yet. I just know that it's hard to watch over my family down here and keep an eye on things that are happening 400 miles away at the same time. But I'm trying.

In your travels or through your work, tell me about a time you learned more about somebody – or something – after looking a little deeper, beyond the superficial.

Well, this doesn't relate to a specific person, but I realized that there's a bigger world out there when I moved to Florida. I know it seems obvious, but up to that point, I had not lived in a community or worked in a place that people from many different cultures/races/backgrounds called home. It really opened my eyes. Our newsroom, for example, was a mix of white/black/Asian/Hispanic people, gay/straight, Democrat/Republican, you name it.  

And as you can imagine, that increased tenfold after moving to the D.C. region. That's one of things I love about where we live. There are 150 countries and 100 different languages represented in the student body of the county where my kids go to school. That still blows me away. And that's the kind of place where I want to live, and where I want my kids to be, as well.

Let’s have a little fun. Tell me about your worst job. And if you haven’t had one, tell me about the most interesting one.

Oh boy. That's easy. I spent part of a summer working at the Connecticut motor vehicle department during high school. My job was to alphabetize the accident reports. That's it. This is before computers. I alphabetized paperwork. I also quit after three weeks.

Tell me about your taste in music. I don't know about you (well, I do, but this is a template for future interviews), but I can't live without tunes. In the car. While making dinner. During workouts at the gym. They're necessary, right?

I have a really weird mix of music on my iPod. I feel like I'm getting old, though, because the selections weigh heavily toward anything from the 1960s to the 1990s. But it's rock, blues, metal, jazz, classical. It could be Black Keys one minute and Stevie Wonder the next. Many different genres. Just depends on what mood I'm in. Maybe some people on this blog can make some suggestions.

Thanks Joe. Did we miss anything? Anything you’d like to add?

Yeah. This has been a lot of fun. And you're quite a handsome man.

Well, OK, you know I'm kidding at the end there. But that's where we're going. I want to get serious and have some fun at the same time. Let me know what you think and if you have any questions. Talk to you soon.

Why we're here

No, no, no. This isn't another attempt to find out why we're in this world and how we came to be. This is my first blog post and I want to tell you why I'm doing this. My name is Joe and there's something I need to fix in my life, and hopefully you're all going to help me.

I feel like I've been in a funk for quite some time now, and I know it's rooted in the death of my Dad a few years ago, my Mom's subsequent health issues and a job that has turned into a dead end after nearly eight years.

So. . .I've been repeatedly told by family and friends that I need a creative outlet to take my mind off some of this stuff. I've always loved to write and I have come to realize that I don't write for fun any more. I need a place where I can crack a few jokes, share some (occasionally inane) observations and interact with my friends.

But there's another important element of this exercise that you'll have a hand in, if you're interested. I think we need to pay more attention to one another, because, let's face it, there's too much hate in our world right now. And I believe the cause of that hate -- whether it's based on race, religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, socioeconomic status, you name it -- is because people really aren't taking the time to get to know one another.

I've always said my dream job would be driving around the country and writing profiles of people from all walks of life. I love to hear stories. I love to learn what makes people tick, what they're passionate about, what defines them.

So from time to time, I'm going to profile a friend of mine on here (with their permission, of course). If you're willing, I'll send you a series of questions in a Q & A format and we'll share the results with the massive amount of readers that will soon flock to this blog. It's gonna happen, I swear.

We'll keep it as anonymous as possible, but I would like to use your first name, if I can. If not, we can work something out, no sweat. I want to know where you come from, your roots, your interests, what you think is wrong with the world and what's right about it, too.

Have you ever said to yourself, "I wish I wouldn't get judged just because I'm [insert personal characteristic here]?" That's the sort of stuff I want to hear about. I want you to vent. I want people to understand that, while we may be different on the surface, we have more in common that we realize.

By now you're thinking, "Joe, this is a nice idea, but aren't a lot of your friends pretty similar already?" Well, yes and no. So here's the cool part. After I (hopefully) compile a lengthy set of interviews with friends, I'd like those people to recommend a friend of theirs who can be profiled on this site.

I know, I feel like I'm giving you homework here, but think about how many more people we can reach if we pull that off. Maybe you know someone with an incredible personal history. Maybe you know someone who's doing great work and they'd like to share their story with us. See where I'm going?

I'm not naive. This is not a campaign for "everyone needs to get along in this world," because that's unrealistic. But I think we can learn from each other. We need to share each other's stories. That's why I chose the name "Profiles Encourage" for this blog. It's a nod to the John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award. It's given to those who "govern for the greater good, even when it is not in their own interest to do so. . .it celebrates individuals who choose the public interest over partisanship – who do what is right, rather than what is expedient."

Yeah, it's an award for politicians, but I like that message. Do what's right. Govern for the greater good. Because it's a big world out there and we're all in it together. So let's get to know each other along the way.